Ground Control this is Oyster Bob.

Come in…Do you read me?

Well I guess you can tell by now I’m a bit spaced out. But what do you expect I’m a rooting tooting mean lean oyster eaten machine and I got a belly full of oysters so I’m feeling like I’m on cloud 9. Hell I’m floating in the cosmos. I sure do wish I had a woman with me. She wouldn’t have to do much …just sit back and let me finish my story.

I like to travel downtown. I like city life. I guess I could get my oysters from the deep blue sea or maybe from some beach somewhere, with the cool breeze and a mermaid sipping on oyster liquor…she wouldn’t have to do much.  Just sit back and watch me as I squeeze my lemons. But this column is called Downtown Oyster so please allow me proceed…

So what kind of oysters are floating around in my gut I guess is what you really want to know. So I’m gonna spill it.

Kumiai oysters and I go waaaay back. Back to the days of swimming the beaches of Guerrero Negro Lago in Baja California, Mexico. Never could get in close enough to scoop them crusty lip fish on my own…To many farmers protecting to their pristine, biosphere reserves of managed waters.  But when ever I could I would enjoy dozens of those medium sized-deep cups,  with their plump-briny-flesh up close and personal, a perfect blend of Pacific Ocean sea salt and West coast sweetness.  When I open up my own seafood restaurant, ARGGGGH!!!! – “ARRRGGGH…there’s no seafood like ARRRRGGGH seafood”… it’s going to serve those slimy briny Kumiai’s for sure.

beelmans3BEELMAN’S PUB: So back to Downtown…I just left Beelman’s Pub on 6th and Spring and all I have to say is… Location. Location. Location. What once was a semi busy coffee boutique having to share the dark waters of competition with good Old Captain Starbucks directly across the street is now Downtown’s  beloved Oyster gastro-pub offering up $1 oysters on ice during their happiest hours from 4pm – 7pm. Now they have other items on the menu, but I find nothing compliments their Kumiai oysters better than the messed wrapped half-lemon and chopped onion vinegar, than their full plate of PUB FRIES. They also serve shots, wines, mixed drinks and cold beers and always seem to have and elegant and happy bar crowd.

“Hey Oyster Bob, you find any pearls in them oysters at Beelman’s Pub?”

And now for some oyster facts…

Well lets see.
Most of them tasty mollusks can make pearls, since the pearl often forms as part of a defense mechanism to eliminate the dangers of  foreign material in its flesh.  When something like a pellet floats inside the oysters mouth while he’s filtering air or spawning, which is whole another story by the way…that I promise I will get to in another article, but anyway…when something like a rock or a fish or something gets into the shell, the oyster’s tasty secretions covers the irritation or foreign object and eventually produces a shiny pearl.

However, the species of Oysters we eat do not make pearls as most Oysters consumed raw are farmed under conditions preventing pearl making.  If it does happen, the pearls usually come out looking like nasty little garbanzo beans, bee-bees, or rabbit pellets.  Now if this was 100 years ago when the Kumiai people of Baja Mexico were around well maybe then yes. Maybe they could harness the pearls and use them to attract the female of our species. Sure would be nice to have one of them females around…she wouldn’t have to do much just sit back and help me blast off to another dimension.

Do you read me Ground Control?